Endometriosis and Me.

The question was recently asked of me whether or not I felt that the endometriosis is the cause of my infertility. And had I spoken with my doctor about that. The answers simply are
1. No
2. Of course. It’s the first thing I have asked our last 4 DOCTORS.

But just to be sure I hadn’t missed something along the way, I asked my current doctor this week. And again, I got a resounding NO.

Here’s the thing – Endometriosis is still quite a mystery to the medical field. They are not sure how or why it happens, not clear on how to cure it, and it’s affect on fertility isn’t fully understood either. But – from the past 15 years of research I have done myself, there are 3 ways in which endometriosis affects fertility.

1 – Ovulation. Endo can cause a women not to ovulate because there may be adhesions or blockages in her fallopian tube. Not the case for me. I had a very unpleasant HSG done – where they force dye through your tubes – passed that with flying colors. Let alone the countless internal scans I have had proving that the egg had in fact left my ovary and traveled down that fallopian tube.

2 – Egg Quality. That’s the one great benefit of doing IVF. You really get up close and personal with all your inner workings. And it helps the doctor’s to understand better what is going on with your body. I have had 3 egg retrievals – with a total of 37 eggs viewed personally by professional embryologists. And from what they tell me – I have some fantastic looking eggs!

3. - Implantation. This is when the embryo attaches to the uterine lining and implants for the next 9 months. Sometimes scar tissue and adhesions from the Endo make the lining unreceptable for an embryo to implant. Also, a lot of women have “killer cells” because of their endo. They basically see the embryo as an infection (similar to Cancer) and attack the embryo – thus not allowing it to implant. Wanna know how I KNOW I don’t have these issues?

• Upon my initial work up with my new Reproductive Endocronologist – they did a HUGE range of blood tests on me. 32 vials worth. They tested for every disorder there is. And they all came back clean.
• I have had 3 endometrial biopsies done on my uterine lining. Yup – 3. And although the hormone levels came back a little abnormal (luteal phase defect which is treatable with extra progesterone supplements) everything came back perfect. Here’s a link to exactly what they are checking for. http://www.med.yale.edu/obgyn/kliman/infertility/dx/diagwelcome.html – it’s actually very interesting. They make sure there are certain markers in your lining which will allow for implantation. I passed this test as well.
• This is a big one people – I WAS PREGNANT TWICE. If the Endometriosis was really the cause of our problems, I would not have become pregnant, at all. We just didn’t have much luck with the 2 pregnancies. The first one we know for a fact had an extra chromosome #2 (very rare). The second one, we’re not sure but I’m willing to bet it was more of the same bad luck.

Please know that I wouldn’t drag my poor husband through all the ups and downs, and the heartache that comes with this treatment if there weren’t a chance for us. We have complete faith in our new RE. His success rates are one of the highest in the country. He wouldn’t proceed with us if he didn’t think we had a shot at this. I know of a lot of other women who have seen him through the years, and the consensus is that he is extremely honest. Why would he want to give us false hope and ruin his credibility at the same time if he didn’t think we had a good chance at becoming parents this way?

Adoption is not out of the question. But truthfully, it’s not as easy as it seems. We were referred to a domestic agency in the NY area. I left numerous messages, and they never called us back. Why would we want to continue working with an agency who doesn’t return calls? Even to get information? You have to start somewhere..... And we found an international agency, who were FANTASTIC. But the fee’s scared us. $32,000 without traveling expenses and you need to stay 38 days out of the country. It’s a little intimidating to say the least. But, when the time comes to move to adoption, and we will know when that time is, we will do it. But we need to be ready. Both of us.

Follow Up

I had just a follow up phone consult with our doctor regarding our failed IVF cycle. He said they were all really surprised it didn't work. I had a really good cycle, we ended up with 11 out of 13 blasts, which is really promising. The only thing he can think of was that my lining could have been off. Even though it looked good on the sonogram it's difficult to control hormone levels during an IVF cycle since my body is creating it's own hormones on top of what they are giving me as supplements.

On a good note, it's really promising that we have 6 blasts, and 2 almost blasts. The fact that they all made it that far means we have a better chance of not having another miscarriage due to chromosome abnormalities. He feels that we may have better success with the frozen transfer than we did with the fresh IVF. We hope he's right.

A little chuckle

So today I was checking my email and one of those flashy little animations popped up to the right for Overstock.com. I saw this image, and the first thing that came to mind was "Hey - those are some nice looking embryo's!"

These are earrings people! Diamond stud earrings! I have completely lost it! I think this is when you know you've been in treatment too long! Phew.

Silver Lining

Those of you who know me really well know that I bounce back pretty quick and try to find the positives in all this. I think I just found one.

The test was negative again this morning. My nurse just called me to say keep taking all my medication but come in on Thursday for a blood test anyway. I don't see why we need to extend the inevitable but I will do as I am told.

She then called me back to say that after they froze the 6 on the transfer day, they continued to watch the 2 that were struggling. Apparently they continued growing and made it to the blast stage. So now we have 8 frozen 5 day old embryo's. I am at a loss. Out of 13 embryos we ended up with 11 total. That is just amazing. And even more reassuring that we will have a child out of these embryo's one of these days!

The test was Negative

Sorry I haven't posted in a long time. The 2 week wait is always the hardest part for me. It's hard not to feel every little thing and think it's a sign or a symptom. The obsessing is pretty horrible.

I pretty much have felt nothing this cycle, which I knew wasn't a good thing. I had some plans this weekend and didn't want to ruin my weekend, so I waited to test. I just came home and tested, and as I suspected, it was negative.

It's just so hard to understand infertility and how God chooses those with him he blesses with a child. We have been trying to start our family for 5 years, 2 of which were with medical assistance. We were successful in getting pregnant twice, but God chose to take those babies home with him.

We are devastated of course, but time will heal our broken hearts, and we'll move on again. At least we have 6 frozen embryo's left to try with. Thanks for all your continued love and support. I don't know where we would be without all our family and friends.

Here they are!

Aren't they the cutest little things you've ever seen?

We decided to put back 3 perfect looking blastocysts! And..... we were able to freeze 6! We have 6 totcicles! I honestly can't believe we ended up with 9 blasts! That is so amazing. I am so proud of our little ones!

So, now it's bedrest for 2 whole days! Time to catch up on my shows - thank God for the DVR - one of the greatest inventions ever!

Just got the call

It is so amazing to me how you can care so deeply for something that exists only in a cellular state. The embryologist just called with a progress report. First of all, she normally calls around 10:30 - today it was 1pm. Talk about nerves! My stomach tightens every time I hear her voice on the other end.

We lost one little embryo. The good news is that 12 are still dividing and looking good. She said that today they should be between 6-8 cells, and most of them are 8 cells. Ahhh - such little fighters we have!

I am on the schedule for Saturday at 7:45 as of right now. They will call me tomorrow to confirm the exact time. I can't wait for those little embabies to get nice and comfy!

13 still growing strong!

Our precious 13 are still going strong.... Grow babies, grow!

I think we'll be doing a 5 day transfer this time since we have so many embryos growing. For all of those who aren't too involved in the fertility world, this is actually good news. The theory is that 5 day embryos (blastocycsts) are the strongest ones and the most likely to survive and be free of chromosome abnormalities. The embryo usually makes it's way to the uterus around day 5, so the feeling is that it's the best time to transfer them into their more natural environment.

I learned today that the culture in which embryos are grown in the lab mimics that of the fallopian tube. Huh - who knew?

Fertilization Report

I just got the call from the embryologist at my clinics office. Everything continues to progress nicely and look really promising for us. Out of the 18 eggs they retrieved yesterday, 14 were mature, and they were able to fertilize 13! We have 13 potential little babies! She will call me tomorrow morning for an update and let me know how many have progressed. Keep your fingers crossed for our little ones. They need your blessings!

Thank you so much for your support and excitement during our journey! I love you all!

18 eggs!

Today was our retrieval. Dr. Lavy was able to get 18 eggs. I just can't believe it. I am in a bit of pain, but that's to be expected. We should get our fertilization report tomorrow. Hopefully we'll have lots of little embryo's!

Fingers and Toes crossed!

Back on for Monday

My scan went better than expected on Saturday morning. Apparently all the eggs grew quite a bit overnight and are expected to be ready Monday morning. Keeping my fingers crossed that all goes well tomorrow! I'll post when we know our egg count tomorrow.

Looks like it will be Tuesday

Went for my sonogram this morning. We are still showing about 15 eggs, but they aren't quite ready for hatching yet. They range in size from 12-18mm. We need them all to be a bit closer to 20mm. The nurse feels it will be two more days of (3) shots - ugghhh - trigger on Sunday night, and retrieval on Tuesday morning.

On a side note, this seems to be at good time for IVF at my clinic. It isn't very busy and the nurse taking my blood this morning said there aren't a lot of patients cycling this time. She felt that was a good sign for us! And I'll take it as one!

Just for DH

Just in case any of you checked out my profile - my favorite movie is Porn. DH got a hold of the laptop the other night. I must have still been logged into the blog and he did some editing for me. Isn't he sweet?

Follie Check #2!

I am happy to say things are still looking good. I have about 10 eggs in the right ovary (they expect 6-8 to be ready on retrieval day) and about 7-8 in the left ovary! I told my nurse I was an overachiever (and DH won't stop making fun of me now!) Damn men!

Had to give myself 3 injections last night. I have to say, I did pretty good. I am proud of myself. No bruising either! I can honestly say, I never, in my life, thought I'd be giving myself injections, and be excited to do it no less!

Friday is the next scan. We should know by then if the retrieval will be Mon or Tues. I am getting excited.

It's working!

Your prayers are working! YAY!

My Scan this morning went great. Everything is growing as it should (what a huge relief)! So far, I have approximately 8 eggs in my right ovary, and about 7 in my left! No wonder I've been feeling a little crampy! LOL The biggest one so far is measuring 15mm which is a good size. They want them all to be in about the 20mm range when it's time to go in and take them! And my uterine lining is already 7mm (the goal is to be between 8-12 around the time of the embryo transfer which is still about 12 days away - so I'm looking good already). I have a feeling they may actually lower my medicine dosage tonight. I'll get that call later!

Thanks for all the positive vibes! I am so excited! : )

Biopsy

Things are still looking good for us. My nurse called on Thursday and said my biopsy results came back "exactly where they should be". That is the first time I have heard those words. Last Sept they came back 3 days behind, and in March they came back 1 day behind. Which my RE said was within the acceptable range. Not sure what caused the change, maybe it was the acupuncture, the chinese herbs, positive thinking, or maybe all your prayers are making their way up to our Gracious Lord! Either way, it's keeping me positive.

I really have been relaxed this time around. I am so proud of myself. No real "obsessing". Things are just kind of happening and I'm going with the flow! Let's see how I am in the 2WW - that's the worst part!

Follie check tomorrow - hoping for more positive news!

A Moment of Silence

Hello all,

I just wanted to take this moment to remember all those who lost their lives or loved ones on this tragic day, only 7 years ago.

I am always so torn around this day. It's not like I want to forget the day, I don't, but I don't enjoy watching it and reliving it on TV. The memories are still so vivid in my mind and will remain there forever. I don't think it's something we can ever really "forget".

I listened to the recaps this morning on my way in, and couldn't help but cry. I have said a prayer for all those who we lost and those who have lost their loved ones. You will always be in our hearts.

The only positive that came of 9-11 was the camaraderie we saw in Americans when this occurred. It was really heartwarming to see everyone fighting for the same team and be caring towards one another.

So on this day, love one another. Let this be a reminder of how precious we all are and what a great country we live in.

I love you all - God Bless you and America!

Ready, set.....GO!

So, I had my baseline sonogram this morning, and all is looking perfect! My lining is nice and thin and I have 2 perfect ovaries with lots of antral follicles! That means we have the potential to get lots of eggs! More eggs = more chances!

I am feeling very positive! I feel great. Not stressed at all. Sleeping great. I am just so excited to be here again. I asked the nurse who drew my blood this morning if that was weird. She just laughed! : )

So, we have our first shot tonight. Then I go back on Monday for another scan and start adding the other injections. We'll have a total of 3 per night at one point. We used to be scared to death of them, but now they are a piece of cake. I think they might be the easiest part of this entire process!

Thanks for all your support, well wishes and prayers. They mean so much to us!

Have I lost it?

Does everyone else belong to so many websites that they can't remember their password and log in for each one? Or have I lost my mind? I feel like each site has it's own set of rules. Must be a minimum of 6 letters/2 numbers/no icons/ and your pets name...... It only took me 5 tries to get into this site!

Anywho.... so it looks like AF is here. That's code word for Aunt Flo. She will probably come on full force tomorrow. So then I'll have to go for my baseline sonogram Tues or Wed and start the good injections on Thursday. I can't believe we are finally here. And I am not stressed out at all. Seriously. I swear. Maybe the fact that this is our 3rd IVF has something to do with it!

I saw this cute cartoon on someone's else blog. Yes, I am now a thief! I couldn't resist!

First Shot

First shot(s) tonight! I have to do 150 units of Follistim. I have 4 vials leftover from our May cycle and I am determined to use every last drop. Those suckers are expensive (thank God for insurance). Even so, I don't want to waste any. So folks, there's a good chance I get to stab myself in the belly 3 or 4 times this evening. No wonder DH (that's short for Dear Husband) scheduled to work tonight! Hmmmm.....

Thank God it's over!

I had the biopsy this morning. I was nice and relaxed thanks to my codeine. It was painful as expected. Maybe a little more so than the previous two actually. The nurse who performed it this morning didn't use the numbing spray like the doctors do, so I guess I felt a little more than normal. She didn't give me any warning either. Bam - just took the sample, and it was over. I guess I should thank her for that - I think it was the quickest one I have had yet!

So, now we begin! I stop my meds on Saturday, wait for my period and begin the IVF meds by Wed or Thurs of next week!

Nerves!

Well, I am getting that all too familiar feeling. Nerves. Gotta love em'. You'd think I'd be used to them by now. Not looking forward to this biopsy tomorrow. I have done 2 already. I know they are quick, and the pain only lasts for seconds, but still. Not looking forward to it. I'll take my codeine in the morning, so hopefully I'll be a little numb... or at least giggly! I'll take either. I think the worst part is not knowing what to expect. The first time it was my RE (not bad at all). Second time it was his partner (tolerable - but a little worse than the first one). This time it will be a nurse practitioner! I am sure she's done plenty of them, so I'm nervous for no reason right? It will be over before I know it!

Calling all Prayers

We are so blessed with wonderful family and friends who are more than supportive of our journey into "familyhood". I just want to say thank you to all of you for all your well wishes and good luck trinkets. You don't know what it means to us. We know that you all want for this to work for us just as bad as we do.

Before we start a cycle, I always go through the "do you tell or not tell everyone"? I think more recently I've been in the "tell everyone" phase. I read a report that said prayers actually make a difference and increase the odds! I swear, google it! So, we are calling all prayers.

I can't believe how quickly this is sneaking up on us! I am very excited and anxious to begin. It's kind of a bittersweet ending to the summer for me. Get all the parties over with, and now it's time to get serious.

Biopsy is scheduled for Wednesday, and I am pretty sure we begin the IVF meds on Monday! Armed with our fertility cross above the door frame, our miraculous medal and our newest addition the miracle silver rock, I know it will work this time.

Not very good at this

Ok so here's my second post. Truth be told, I haven't mentioned to anyone that I started this blog. Things have been so hectic with the end of the summer parties, that I haven't given it much thought.

The countdown begins for us. The biopsy is 1 week from today. Next Saturday should be the last day of my "rest down" meds, then we begin the real stuff!

I will let you know more as we really get into it!

First Post

Well, this is exciting. My first post! I have thought about doing this for a long time now, but just didn't do it! I wish I had started it a while ago since I always have so much to say!

The main reason for this blog is because we are about to begin IVF#3. This time I know it will work, and in June we will welcome our bab(ies) into our lives.

As of right now, we are in the "rest down" period. I am scheduled to have an endometrial biopsy around Sept 2-3rd to help with implantation of those little embryo's. Shortly after that day, we begin the injections to grow multiple eggs! Our doctor wants to put back 4-5 this time (instead of our normal 3). He thinks this will increase our odds, as well as our chance for multiples! Our retrieval is expected to be the week of Sept 22nd.

I'll post more info when I have it!
XOXO